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Christian Forums: The Heroic Battle Between the Forces of Good and the Demon of Anti-Access
Saturday I was hangin' ten on my Dell when I ran across a Christian Forum. Not just any Christian forum, THE Christian Forum. How did I know? It said so: ChristianForum.com. I looked at a couple of the posts and thought it might be cool to sing a few lines of "Pass It On" while holding cyber-hands with my bros around the warm glow of a CRT. Just like camp. Kinda made me misty? So I checked out the registration and applied. Being the self-promoter I am, I chose "WhoreChurchcom" as my user name. Couple of extra visitors can't hurt, huh? So I hit submit expecting to be ushered into the stained glass chat rooms of cyberdom. Drats! they have to approve me first. Just when I was ready to test my speedy typing skills. My hunger for fellowship still burning in my gut, I fire up Google and search for "Christian Forums". Sure 'nuff, there's quite a few out there. I settled on one and clicked. With blazing T1 speed, I was propelled to the hallowed halls of CrossWalk.com. I quickly located the registration form and entered my information. With no little amount of anxiety I hit "submit", hoping against all hope that no moderator had to approve my admission, denying me precious moments of blessed fellowship. Hallelujah! All I had to do was confirm my email address and I was in! A few moments and I was there: In The Cyber Cathedral with Hundreds, nay Millions of my Fellows. A topic caught my eye: "Walking in Truth." I read with great anticipation my Brother's thoughtful post. Did I have a word of encouragement? Correction? Addition? My fingers, Matrix-like, became a blur over the keyboard. First one post, then two. I was in the Holy-Spirit-Helpin'-Zone. Within a few moments I had helped five of my fellow pilgrims. Spent, I collapsed in my chair. Emotionally drained yet strangely fulfilled. I was a part of The Body. Needing sustenance, I used the last of my strength to stumble to the refrigerator where I passed out. I heard an angel saying, "Get up, the journey is too much for you," placing a Diet Coke in my weakened hand and one of my wife's oatmeal cookies in my mouth. Strengthened by the Angel Food, I returned to my chair. Had another caring soul responded to my posts? Is there a word of encouragement for me? A "Thank You" from someone whom I just saved from a life of error? Access Denied. What? Certainly this is a glitch. I tried logging in again?Access Denied. Possibly this must be a Demonic Attack spawned of the Evil One. Access Denied. Fowl Spawn from Earth's Bowels, I will not be defeated! You will not deny me access! I logged in again. Again the screen taunted me: Access Denied. Demon of Anti-Access I rebuke you in the Name of Jesus! Still the 17" Diagonal Imp taunted me: Access Denied! Wait! How silly of me. Certainly in my euphoric fatigue I had forgotten the password. This was no demon, it was simply my humanity. I clicked over to email-and that's when it happened. No, it cannot be. But yes, it had. Ben, Moderator of the Cross-Walk, notified me. I had violated rule 20 and been banned from the forum. Rule 20? Had I in my human weakness progressed far beyond the 10 Commandments and transgressed not rule 11 or even rule 18, but that hallowed "Rule 20". Crushed I wandered into bed. "Been having fun on the computer, honey?" my wife inquired. Without reply I rolled over and sobbed myself to sleep. Kevin Scott is the owner of http://www.WhoreChurch.com exposing the luncacy going on in the name of Christ. Visit now for a whole new perspective on your faith. You might get mad, but it will surely make you think.
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